my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
