Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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