I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
