Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
