She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
