Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
