i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
