i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
