im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
