You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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