he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
