exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize