Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
