did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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