hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
