another moral hangover. fuck.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
