i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
