i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
