i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize