Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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