Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
