my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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