well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
