Your tits are I can't wait for
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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