apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
