Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
