Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
