Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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