the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
