ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
