I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
