shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
