My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
