I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
