Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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