I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
