It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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