I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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