So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
