i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
