my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
