The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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