If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
