I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
