your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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