It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
