you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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