Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
