I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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