I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
