so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
