1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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