Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
