At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
