let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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