Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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