Just fell off a train. Bad.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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