Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
