theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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