I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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