He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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