I could have mohawked her pubes.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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