my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
