do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
