That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
